Neotextus

I don’t know why, but Randall Munroe’s XKCD for this morning really tickled my funny bone

According to my latest Facebook poll, I’ve become a native Oregonian. Personally, I don’t quite believe it. Thankfully, according to this test, I only scored 14, so there is hope for me yet

1. You trade in your deluxe Camry for a four-wheel-drive Explorer.
2. You trade any motorized vehicle for a bike and a bus pass.
3. You have more running shoes and hiking boots than pumps in your closet.
4. You carry a backpack, not a purse or a briefcase.
5. You bypass any coffee shop that doesn’t offer at least five varieties of latte.
6. You forget what the numbered factors on suntan lotion containers means.
7. Nobody corrects you any more when you pronounce Willamette.
8. You are incapable of saying the word “Californian” without using a derogatory adjective.
9. It’s 55 degrees and raining, and you get up a half-hour early to wash your shorts and T-shirts so you’ll have something to wear that day.
10. You have misplaced one umbrella for each month you’ve been in Oregon.
11. You can give five reasons why native salmon runs are dwindling.
12. A visiting out-of-town relative compliments your hazelnut bread and you start a family feud by insisting it be called filbert bread.
13. Nobody corrects you anymore when you pronounce Champoeg.
14. You know at least three effective ways to kill slugs without using poison.
15. Someone mentions surfing, and you ask whether the wind is up in Hood River.
16. You have the surfboard rack on your car converted to a mountain bike rack.
17. Your casual clothes and your yardwork clothes are one and the same.
18. Your casual clothes and your business clothes are one and the same.
19. When going on a picnic, you pack the tarp before the food.
20. When somebody mentions studs, you immediately think of tires instead of male animals or lumber.
21. Nobody corrects you anymore when you pronounce Yachats.
22. You realize you’ve mowed the lawn more often than you’ve made love in the past month.
23. You’re able to comparison-shop for roof moss remover.
24. Not only do you no longer need to be shamed by coworkers into joining the company’s Hood to Coast team, but your minivan becomes the team bus.
26. You use the word “Rosaria” in a sentence.
27. You are capable of debating the merits of at least five Portland microbreweries or three Willamette Valley wineries or any combination thereof.
28. You’ve learned the Pendleton Round-Up isn’t a sale on wool shirts and the Albany Timber Carnival wasn’t a celebration of antique wooden Ferris wheels. [Update 2005 – Alas, the Timber Carnival is no more. Gone the way of other timber-related stuff.
29. You average only one nasty comment about Seattle per week.
30. You no longer need to pick up one of the little floor maps when you enter Powell’s Books.
31. Packy’s birthday doesn’t sneak up on you anymore.
32. It no longer seems odd to you that Oregon has an official state nut, insect, fish, seashell, rock, gemstone (it’s not the same as the rock), tree and dance.
33. You don’t laugh anymore at mention of the towns of Boring, Riddle, Talent, Tangent, Drain, Sisters, Brothers, Echo, Bonanza, Halfway, Paisley, Rufus or Spray.
34. Nobody corrects you anymore when you pronounce Gervais.
35. You give away Zucchini instead of receive it.
36. All of your relatives know how to pronounce Oregon.
37. Gray becomes your favorite color.

Life is simple. It is HUMANS that make it hard.

If a dog was the teacher, you would learn stuff like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.

Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you’re not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

– Daisy & Becky