Neotextus

It has been two weeks since we lost our Special, and the house has never felt so empty. So we made the trip down to the Oregon Humane Society and came back with Bodie & Doyle – two of the most adorable three month old kittens you have ever seen.

Whilst these boys look alot alike, they are very different in character. Bodie is the personification of kittenhood – loving, a fearless explorer with no sense of danger, he is chaos in motion. Doyle is much more reserved – born to a feral cat, he arrived at the Humane Society in a sorry state with fleas, worms and bites on his back legs. But a week’s care and he arrives at our house all fixed up with only a few scars and a bad cold to hint at his previous life.

The boys have been in the house for about 24 hours now, and everyone is adjusting well to the new dynamic. Welcome to your new home my boys.

Today be the official Talk Like A Pirate Day matey, so you’d better hoist the jolly roger and batten down the hatches or the’ll be a mutiny fer sure.

Dedicated ta Cap’n Slappy an’ Ol’ Chumbucket,
fer creatin’ National Talk Like A Pirate Day (September 19th)

Most days are like all of the others,
Go to work, come back home, watch TV,
But, brother, if I had me druthers,
I’d chuck it and head out to sea,

For I dream of the skull and the crossbones,
I dream of the great day to come,
When I dump the mundane for the Old Spanish Main
And trade my computer for rum! ARRR!

T’ me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It’s “Talk Like A Pirate” Day!
When laptops are benches God gave us for wenches,
And a sail ain’t a low price to pay!
When timbers are shivered and lillies are livered
And every last buckle is swashed,
We’ll abandon our cars for a shipfull of ARRRs
And pound back the grog till we’re sloshed. Yo ho ….

– Anyone see my keys?
– Just off the coast o’ Florida, matey! ARRR!

Don’t pick up yer phone and say “Hello,
Your ten-o-clock meeting’s delayed”,
Ye scrunch up yer face and ye bellow,
“AVAST! Ye’ve been bleedin’ BELAYED!”

Ye can’t keep this fun to yourself, I bet,
So sing “Aye”, “ARRR”, and “Ayy”, every man!
We ain’t got much grasp of the alphabet,
But a damn good retirement plan! (raucous laughter)

T’ me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It’s “Talk Like A Pirate” Day!
Whatever’s in fashion is in for a thrashin’
And bein’ polite is passe!
When it’s ev’ry man’s duty to grab his proud beauty
And let out a hearty YO HO!
And if this offends you, hold your breath as we sends
you
Ta Davy Jones’ Locker ya go!

– Where IS Davy Jones’ Locker, anyway?
– Right near Monkee Island! Arr, aye, arr….

We’ll tell every banker “Heave to and weigh anchor!”
Buy latte with pieces of eight
We’ll fight to be chosen as cap’n or bosun
The loser, o’ course, is worst mate!

When we hoist Jolly Roger the landlubbers dodge ‘er,
We fill ‘em with loathing and fear,
We’ll plunder and pillage each city and village,
Or at least clean out Wal-Mart of beer!

– Ahoy, mateys! And Welcome ta “Iron Chef Pirate!”
Let’s see the secret ingredient!
- Oh ho! There'll be some cutting-edge cuisine!

- "AWK! AWK!" - Hold still, Polly! I need this for me salad!
- Avast there, me bucko! Ye need CARROT shavings! CARROT!
- But Captain, I be on Atkins!
- Moron...

- And you! WHAT are ye doin' with that salmon?
- I'm grillin' it on a hunk o' cedar, what d'y'think?
- Ye CAN'T do that in a JAPANESE STIR-FRY, ye bilge rat!
- Oh HO! Ye never heard o' "wokkin' the plank"?

There ain't no computin' or morning commutin',
No "Parking Lot Full" signs for me,
No lawns ta be mowin' or bills to be owin',
I'm knowin' the pull of the sea.

The fresh salty brace of the wind on my face
Through hurricane, sunshine or squalls,
I'm keepin' my eyes on the distant horizon,
Verizon can hold all my calls!

To wear a red coat full o' buckles,
To earn a few duelling scars,
Well, at least we can get a few chuckles
By filling the office with ARRRs!

And maybe we'll never get closer,
Than watchin' 'em on the big screen,
So here's to old Errol and Depp as Jack Sparrow,
And every damn one in between!

T' me,
Yo, Ho, Yo, Ho,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!
That time in September when sea dogs remember
That grown-ups still know how ta play!
When wenches are curvy and dogs are all scurvy
And a soft-wear patch covers your eye,
Ta hell with our jobs, for one day we're all swabs
And buccaneers all till we die!

So hoist up the mainsails and shut down your brain cells,
They only would get in the way,
Avast there, me hearty, we're havin' a party,
It's "Talk Like A Pirate" Day!

Yo Ho!

Words and Music Copyright 2003-2006 by Tom Smith

Today, after 17 wonderful years of unconditional love, joy and affection we lost our beloved Special. She will always live on in our hearts and will never be forgotten. Wait for us at Rainbow Bridge, our beloved baby.

She is Gone

You can shed tears that she is gone, Or you can smile because she lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,
Or you can be full of the love that you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she is gone,
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

Author – David Harkins