Archive for March, 2006
How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?
by paul on Mar.19, 2006, under Humor
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Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we’ve got our whole lives ahead of us, and you’re inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? | |
| Border Collie: Just one. And then I’ll replace any wiring that’s not up to code. |  |
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Dachshund: You know I can’t reach that stupid lamp! | |
| Rottweiler: Make me. |  |
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Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. | |
| Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! |  |
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German Shepherd: I’ll change it as soon as I’ve led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven’t missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. | |
| Jack Russell Terrier: I’ll just pop it in while I’m bouncing off the walls and furniture. (how true)! |  |
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Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I’m sorry, but I don’t see a light bulb! | |
| Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. |  |
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Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Or “We don’t need no stinking light bulb.” | |
| Greyhound: It isn’t moving. Who cares? |  |
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Australian Shepherd: First, I’ll put all the light bulbs in a little circle… | |
| Poodle: I’ll just blow in the Border Collie’s ear and he’ll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. |  |
A Letter To My Cats & Dog
by paul on Mar.13, 2006, under Humor
Dear Cats and Dog,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture (That’s why they call it “fur”niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than most people.
4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak clearly.
Dogs and cats are better than kids, they eat less, don’t ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don’t hang out with drug-using friends, don’t smoke or drink, don’t worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don’t wear your clothes, and don’t need a gazillion dollars for college -
And if they get pregnant, you can sell their children!
A new park in Hillsboro?
by paul on Mar.02, 2006, under Diary
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I attended a planning meeting yesterday at the Hillsboro city offices to discuss a plan to convert a 41 acre site at 53rd & Baseline into a community park. Ideas include a community lawn area, sports fields, demonstration gardens and a community center with basketball and tennis courts, jogging track etc. After feedback from an initial consultation phase, a number of other features are being considered including a doggy off leash area which Becky would love. The whole project looks really exciting, and could be the last chance to build a public space on any size in the heart of Hillsboro, although the proposed dog areas are tiny |
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Further information can be found on 
